How many times do you find yourself frozen by fear? Your heart races, your breathing becomes shallow and fast. And soon you are paralyzed by trepidation.
My greatest fear around launching my new book was my concern of what my family would feel when I vulnerably shared my personal story.
But no matter how overwhelmed and paralyzed my fears made me feel, I felt the message inside of me was much more important than my need to make my family comfortable.
So below is an excerpt from my new book, “The Fearless Mindset” about how I was raised in chaos.
Excerpt from my new book, “The Fearless Mindset”
It’s May 1995. At ten years old, I am terrified and alone. I don’t know whom I could trust and seek guidance from for the most difficult conversation I am about to have in my life. Looking back at this moment, all I can remember is being consumed by fear.
I am sitting in a cold room with my mother, my grandparents, and an attorney. The smell of burnt coffee fills the air and the sound of a rusty furnace hums in the background. My mother is pale and looks exhausted. The glow of her face I once remembered and longed for is now gone. I want so badly to know what is going on in her mind, but we’re both too afraid to look into each other’s eyes.
I look to my grandparents to see their eyes carrying excruciating pain and sadness. I imagine their cascading thoughts as they reflect on how our family arrived in this room. Are they filled with regret? Are they relieved? The truth is, I’ll never really know.
The attorney turns to me and says in a monotone voice, “Peter, what is it you would like to tell your mother in this moment?” The lump in my throat grows with each passing second and I’m finding it hard to breath. My grandmother squeezes my hand in an effort to provide security and strength amidst the confusion and pain that encapsulates me.
My eyes begin to fill with tears. As I bite my tongue to keep from breaking down, I take one more deep breath, turn toward my mother, and say:
“Mom, I’ve decided to go live with Grandma and Grandpa since I no longer feel safe with you because of your alcoholism. Your alcoholism has consumed your life and I no longer feel loved by you. The only way my sister and I will feel comfortable living with you again is for you to go through rehab and choose, once and for all, to give up the bottle for your kids. It’s your choice, Mom. If you want to be a part of our lives, you’re going to have to give up drinking.”
My mother runs across the room to embrace me one last time and we both break down weeping. This would be my mother’s fourth time through rehab, and at this point in my life, I am doubtful that she will choose me and my sister over the bottle.
If there were one predominant emotion I remember from my childhood, it would have to be fear.
If you are ready to instill “The Fearless Code” into your DNA, I strongly encourage you pick up your own copy of this best selling book at www.thefearlessmindset.com.
Live Your Life Fearlessly,
Peter Scott IV – The Fearless Mindset Mentor
Founder, The Fearless Life Academy